I've been wondering about Tart.... I met her by chance and we got along very well. Of course the complication is when I realized I would like to take our friendship to the next level. And that realization only came when she met someone new.
Hurrah for me of course. I keep thinking why make a move when I'm bound to lose anyways. Let's face it, this is one of the few battles where I wouldn't have won anyways. And I'm too grounded in warfare to know that I avoid battles I have no hope of winning. Had I had the time to build up my forces, to prepare... but it wasn't to be. Things moved too fast for me and I'm left with nothing.
Even the communication is gone. It's not like before. Damn. I hate this. She found a new beau and has no time for friends. Makes me ponder if she ever did mean what she said about making time for friends and avoiding her mistakes in the past... Can't be helped I suppose.
Anyways, the original plan continues. It takes time unfortunately but it can't be avoided. One war or the other it will be done. And by the time my plans reach its culmination, I'll value those who stuck around with me. Because at that point I'm certain they'd be the people worth sticking around with.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
28th B-Day Minus 5
Damnation. I refuse to believe that I will be 28 years old in less than a week! There are so many things I haven't yet done, so many things I need to accomplish before I can deem myself worthy of admitting I will soon be hitting the 3-0 mark.
It's not fair since I spent my younger years in a cocoon. Had I stayed with my grandfather, doubtless I'd have been exposed to life a lot earlier and thus lived earlier. But I did not. My decision to stay with my mother meant that the next 14 years of my life would revolve around a battle to keep my sanity and ability to function in society.
Where am I right now? Finally independent and beginning to learn a number of things that I should be able to do on my own. I only have one source of income and using that one source I start establishing myself. It will be a long way to go. I feel as if I'm playing an RPG. Just as well it's my favorite genre. So with my limited cash flow I change my wardrobe, develop my habits, make connections, and eventually start saving up to get a notch higher in life.
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On the work front, I'm disappointed by a fellow I considered my best friend. He was not the person I thought he was. I never realized that he had a tendency to lie. Normally it's alright with me since I tend to take those things in stride but when I found out that he has the habit of boasting to the point of tarnishing other people's reputation and leaving a company with debts unpaid... well, suffice to say I'm seeing him now in a cold light. And with me, cold is not a good sign.
I've found a new circle of friends in my department. The camradarie is good and it makes my lonely life a little bit easier to bear now. I won't have to think of Keisha and her having a prospective boyfriend. I won't have to think of other women I'm crushing on. Although a crush is with my new circle. Hurrah for me.
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I won't have to send so much to Davao anymore. I have to prioritize myself, because otherwise I'm sunk in debt. For God's sake, my mother has a husband who has a job. I can't be expected to support her family's needs. It's bloody insane to do so when I can barely take care of myself.
It's not fair since I spent my younger years in a cocoon. Had I stayed with my grandfather, doubtless I'd have been exposed to life a lot earlier and thus lived earlier. But I did not. My decision to stay with my mother meant that the next 14 years of my life would revolve around a battle to keep my sanity and ability to function in society.
Where am I right now? Finally independent and beginning to learn a number of things that I should be able to do on my own. I only have one source of income and using that one source I start establishing myself. It will be a long way to go. I feel as if I'm playing an RPG. Just as well it's my favorite genre. So with my limited cash flow I change my wardrobe, develop my habits, make connections, and eventually start saving up to get a notch higher in life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the work front, I'm disappointed by a fellow I considered my best friend. He was not the person I thought he was. I never realized that he had a tendency to lie. Normally it's alright with me since I tend to take those things in stride but when I found out that he has the habit of boasting to the point of tarnishing other people's reputation and leaving a company with debts unpaid... well, suffice to say I'm seeing him now in a cold light. And with me, cold is not a good sign.
I've found a new circle of friends in my department. The camradarie is good and it makes my lonely life a little bit easier to bear now. I won't have to think of Keisha and her having a prospective boyfriend. I won't have to think of other women I'm crushing on. Although a crush is with my new circle. Hurrah for me.
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I won't have to send so much to Davao anymore. I have to prioritize myself, because otherwise I'm sunk in debt. For God's sake, my mother has a husband who has a job. I can't be expected to support her family's needs. It's bloody insane to do so when I can barely take care of myself.
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