This is one of the things I'm not familiar with. I didn't have a girlfriend when I was a teen. Hell. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 25. Talk about delayed maturity.
Anyways, there's this really nice girl I like. But I'm afraid this is one the cases where the girl's too good for me. If she doesn't have it all, she's something close to it.
I have nothing to offer her, I fear. Oh yes. I'll have nothing but heartbreak.
I just hope I can recover faster than I did last time where it took me half a year.
I should never have opened my heart...
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Up in Flames
That's where my plans went. I came here to Manila with intentions of gearing things up and making my situation stable before I hit the 3-0 mark. Damn. I'm 3 years away from that age but I still feel the same person...
Anyways, I don't go for a girl until I have something to be proud of. But now? Let's put it this way. I just had one more motivation to get myself established. Motivation for a pay raise and promotion. I can't say I regret meeting her. It is... good... to be able to feel again. Even with requisite additional insecurities, anxieties, self-doubt, obsession, fantasizing.
Of course, I'm yet to see if she'll fall for me too. Hearsay's all good and well but I wish for a little more sign that she returns my affections.
And to top it all off, there's always the necessary financing of my plans. Yup, Davao won't be pleased about this. I can see my mother's reaction now. Well, she'll have to live with it. She's got her own family after all and her husband has the responsibility to support his family. It's not my responsibility after all. I grew up in that family that did not want me.
I guess that's why I feel so alone. And look forward to the company of people I call friends. It's actually depressing sometimes even though I am extremely used to solitude. Which is why I look forward to having a girlfriend again. Having someone share my world is... well, it's beyond words.
Of course, I have a lot of reminders that I say to myself. Never be clingy, never be controlling. Be funny. Be a good companion. Be affable. And at the root of it all, my personality will always be the same. Quiet, observing, and be very, very stubborn when I choose to be. And always, the path of honor... I'll die because of it, but there it is.
Anyhow, ramblings aside, I'm still getting to know her better. I look forward to our future dates.
Anyways, I don't go for a girl until I have something to be proud of. But now? Let's put it this way. I just had one more motivation to get myself established. Motivation for a pay raise and promotion. I can't say I regret meeting her. It is... good... to be able to feel again. Even with requisite additional insecurities, anxieties, self-doubt, obsession, fantasizing.
Of course, I'm yet to see if she'll fall for me too. Hearsay's all good and well but I wish for a little more sign that she returns my affections.
And to top it all off, there's always the necessary financing of my plans. Yup, Davao won't be pleased about this. I can see my mother's reaction now. Well, she'll have to live with it. She's got her own family after all and her husband has the responsibility to support his family. It's not my responsibility after all. I grew up in that family that did not want me.
I guess that's why I feel so alone. And look forward to the company of people I call friends. It's actually depressing sometimes even though I am extremely used to solitude. Which is why I look forward to having a girlfriend again. Having someone share my world is... well, it's beyond words.
Of course, I have a lot of reminders that I say to myself. Never be clingy, never be controlling. Be funny. Be a good companion. Be affable. And at the root of it all, my personality will always be the same. Quiet, observing, and be very, very stubborn when I choose to be. And always, the path of honor... I'll die because of it, but there it is.
Anyhow, ramblings aside, I'm still getting to know her better. I look forward to our future dates.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Absence
Well, it's been quite some time. Over 2 months that was spent in a hectic blur.
Last February I was rushing for the Finals of the semester. Paper requirements such as that wretched Production Plan and the reflection papers I had to submit. The upside is I'm extremely happy with the prod plan we made. I mean, the business we looked at looks extremely viable. So yeah. That's something to think about in a few years when I'm financially secure.
Then I had a job interview before the month of love ended and then March came in. It was spent waiting, packing, and then finally moving back to Manila. Meh. Unbelievable. After 16 yrs, more than half my life, spent in Davao, I finally move back to Luzon. On my own with no one to hold my hand. Just as well. I'm too old for asking help from anyone.
It's quite ironic. The last time I stayed here for long I was just a kid who knew nothing of the machinations that went around the collapse of his family... Anyways, I'm here on my own with my own burden that I chose to carry and I'm hoping for the best. I have nothing to show to my kin and kith because of what a couple of my close relatives did. My branch of the family has lost face.
So here I am. Working and happy with the job despite being still in training. I'll be damned to oblivion if I don't show a decent showing.
This also seems my chance to finally develop other areas of my personality that were repressed while I was in Davao. I don't know what it is about my mom but she really put a dampener on my social life. Curfews, questions, recriminations and all. I wish I could whine but it's not beneficial... and it's not really mature...
No time for games. A pity. But there's always a tomorrow. For now, I have to focus on my job.
Last February I was rushing for the Finals of the semester. Paper requirements such as that wretched Production Plan and the reflection papers I had to submit. The upside is I'm extremely happy with the prod plan we made. I mean, the business we looked at looks extremely viable. So yeah. That's something to think about in a few years when I'm financially secure.
Then I had a job interview before the month of love ended and then March came in. It was spent waiting, packing, and then finally moving back to Manila. Meh. Unbelievable. After 16 yrs, more than half my life, spent in Davao, I finally move back to Luzon. On my own with no one to hold my hand. Just as well. I'm too old for asking help from anyone.
It's quite ironic. The last time I stayed here for long I was just a kid who knew nothing of the machinations that went around the collapse of his family... Anyways, I'm here on my own with my own burden that I chose to carry and I'm hoping for the best. I have nothing to show to my kin and kith because of what a couple of my close relatives did. My branch of the family has lost face.
So here I am. Working and happy with the job despite being still in training. I'll be damned to oblivion if I don't show a decent showing.
This also seems my chance to finally develop other areas of my personality that were repressed while I was in Davao. I don't know what it is about my mom but she really put a dampener on my social life. Curfews, questions, recriminations and all. I wish I could whine but it's not beneficial... and it's not really mature...
No time for games. A pity. But there's always a tomorrow. For now, I have to focus on my job.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
