Begin with the end in mind. By doing so, one gets to create something twice. The first in one's head as one envisions it. And the second is when one actually does it. And by doing so, one is more motivated to actually finish it.
That may be why Beth's generation is in quite a mess. As Beth's sisters grew up, they had no clear idea as to what they actually wanted to accomplish later in life. The only thing that mattered was the here and now.
Perhaps I could be wrong but by the way Beth's sisters ended up, it seems there was no roadmap for them to follow. They must have acted on impluse and just a vague concept of the future.
Ruby went overseas and had the chance to start a new life but she did nothing, not even getting a stable job. Grace married a German and was on track to be an entrepreneur but she got hooked on drugs. Evelyn was in college but she went off on her own and kinda faltered.
What they have in common were bad decisions. They went into a rut and never came back out. That and the fact all the sisters are sick. Even until now there are still no plans as to what they want to do... Let me rephrase that statement for Grace. Plans that won't get her into trouble with the law again.
My generation's a bit better off. I've got a stable job and I'm starting my own family. My brothers and sister still haven't run into any serious trouble. Arwyn's out of the game due to his addiction. Betina seems to have a steady life. Ruby's kids have gone off on their own.
Only trouble is, I'm the only one who's got a job and is in the Philippines. Which means I'm a likely go-to person whenever there's trouble. Oh Lord. I hope my granddad doesn't jump into the fray. That would be a fine mess.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Painful memories....
I just got a very surprising news. It seems my aunt is now out and free again. And she's in the south of Metro Manila. I've been brooding ever since then, and it's a tad bit difficult to shake off the darkness that has settled over me.
It's a thorny issue for me, I guess. I mean, this is the same aunt who treated me unfairly when I was a boy. The same person who caused the family to implode. Or rather, because of her, we were exiled to Davao... We went south for a vacation. Because of her, there was nothing to return to. So in the South we stayed.
My bone of contention with her was the way she treated me. I can't remember everything she did but two episodes do stand out in my mind, and those two episodes are seared into my memory. No way am I forgetting those.
The first one was back in Brookside. I was maybe in the Third Grade that time. My aunt's baby daughter was in my room and I was playing with my toys. My cousin wanted to grab them. I did what a kid would do. I made sure my toy soldiers were away from her. My cousin wailed in frustration.
Imagine my surprise when my aunt stormed into the room, furious. She started spanking me, with what I could not remember, but she spanked me all the way from my bedroom to the stockroom where she locked me up. Alone. In the dark. With none but the boxes and what-nots stored inside. I remember huddling and weeping in the dark.
The only comfort was the moonlight streaming from the small window high up in the wall. I huddled and stared at that window as if my life depended on it. I was eventually let out for a yelling. I don't know how long I was in the dark. A minute. An hour. It felt like forever.
The second episode was worse. It was supposed to be Christmas Eve of 1992. This was in Tahanan. I was in the Fifth Grade back then.
Arwyn, Marvin, and I were playing catch in the living room. The ball flew past me and went into the den which was kinda like a home office. I went in, retrieved the ball, and went back to our game. Apparently I did something wrong again.
My aunt saw me go in and accused me of peeking at the list of presents everyone was going to get. That surprised me. Suffice to say, it was more spanking and I ended up in the dark loft above the garage. I was told I wasn't going to get any present for Christmas.
Another bout of self-pity washed over me that night, of course, until Grandma came up to reassure me all was alright. Later that night I was given an encyclopedia. My present.
I know it's been almost 20 years since then. But the embers of resentment and injustice still smolder within me. I'm very good in holding grudges. I hold them near and dear to my heart.
If my aunt is expecting hugs and tears and smiles, she's got another thing coming. I'll be polite. Courteous. But nothing more. She didn't know me back then. She doesn't know me now.
I know I was told by her youngest sister that she'd changed but I'm not sure. I'll call, yes, for the sake of family. But no way in heck am I going to treat her the way I treat Beth and Ria.
It's a thorny issue for me, I guess. I mean, this is the same aunt who treated me unfairly when I was a boy. The same person who caused the family to implode. Or rather, because of her, we were exiled to Davao... We went south for a vacation. Because of her, there was nothing to return to. So in the South we stayed.
My bone of contention with her was the way she treated me. I can't remember everything she did but two episodes do stand out in my mind, and those two episodes are seared into my memory. No way am I forgetting those.
The first one was back in Brookside. I was maybe in the Third Grade that time. My aunt's baby daughter was in my room and I was playing with my toys. My cousin wanted to grab them. I did what a kid would do. I made sure my toy soldiers were away from her. My cousin wailed in frustration.
Imagine my surprise when my aunt stormed into the room, furious. She started spanking me, with what I could not remember, but she spanked me all the way from my bedroom to the stockroom where she locked me up. Alone. In the dark. With none but the boxes and what-nots stored inside. I remember huddling and weeping in the dark.
The only comfort was the moonlight streaming from the small window high up in the wall. I huddled and stared at that window as if my life depended on it. I was eventually let out for a yelling. I don't know how long I was in the dark. A minute. An hour. It felt like forever.
The second episode was worse. It was supposed to be Christmas Eve of 1992. This was in Tahanan. I was in the Fifth Grade back then.
Arwyn, Marvin, and I were playing catch in the living room. The ball flew past me and went into the den which was kinda like a home office. I went in, retrieved the ball, and went back to our game. Apparently I did something wrong again.
My aunt saw me go in and accused me of peeking at the list of presents everyone was going to get. That surprised me. Suffice to say, it was more spanking and I ended up in the dark loft above the garage. I was told I wasn't going to get any present for Christmas.
Another bout of self-pity washed over me that night, of course, until Grandma came up to reassure me all was alright. Later that night I was given an encyclopedia. My present.
I know it's been almost 20 years since then. But the embers of resentment and injustice still smolder within me. I'm very good in holding grudges. I hold them near and dear to my heart.
If my aunt is expecting hugs and tears and smiles, she's got another thing coming. I'll be polite. Courteous. But nothing more. She didn't know me back then. She doesn't know me now.
I know I was told by her youngest sister that she'd changed but I'm not sure. I'll call, yes, for the sake of family. But no way in heck am I going to treat her the way I treat Beth and Ria.
Our baby's name
It's settled. Our baby's name will be Bryce Ethan. It's a good name. It means the determination to go higher, be better. Now that we've settled that, we just have to focus on moving and prepping for the big day. Good Lord but this will cost us dearly. The cash bleed is gonna be nigh unbelievable, I reckon.
Beth agrees it's a good name. Which reminds me. I better start informing the rest of the family. I can't keep them out of the loop for long. I wonder if I should inform my father. He's been awful quiet lately. Must be disappointed I fathered a baby instead of getting that last semester of mine. His loss, not mine.
Beth agrees it's a good name. Which reminds me. I better start informing the rest of the family. I can't keep them out of the loop for long. I wonder if I should inform my father. He's been awful quiet lately. Must be disappointed I fathered a baby instead of getting that last semester of mine. His loss, not mine.
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