Friday, March 18, 2011
Absence
It's been a while since I last updated this blog. It's remarkable how 24 hours never seem enough for the day. Work, family, rest, and errands. Barely have enough time for sketching and surfing the Web. Still, hopefully things would settle down sometime soon, when I'd be able to do everything on my list, instead of having to give up some things just so I can do others. Time management was never something I learned. Better learn it soon....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
In A Haze
I'ts been a hectic May. The build up to Bryce's arrival. The hospital stay. The unbelievable hospital bill. The purchase of needed items for the apartment. But all in all, despite my exhaustion, I'm not complaining. The worries, the stress, the costs... they're all worth it. Fatherhood is awesome.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Reunion
Today's the big day. No, I'm not referring to the first post after over two months of inactivity in this journal. This day is important because today is the day I finally see my father again after 9 years, I think. I can't remember the last time we saw each other.
So. With Mitch heavy with child and me short on sleep later today, we'll travel north to see my dad at grandma's place in Tarlac. Yay me? My emotions are kinda conflicting right now. I'm excited 'coz I'm seeing my father here. I'm anxious 'coz I'm worried what he'd think of me with fathering a child out of wedlock.
But then again, he can't be in the position to judge. I was born out of wedlock. So I guess I'm kinda carryiing on a tradition he started. Anyways, I guess it isn't as important as the fact that the latest carrier of the family name is on the way. I hope he's happy.
Today, or maybe it's more accurate to say tonight, I also get to see my young step-sister and her mom. I must say, it's good that my father finally gets the chance to actually be a father. We can compare notes as out own kids grow up, I suppose.
So. In the meantime I got hours to kill. I'm supposed to get Bryce's sepia photos from SM Marikina. Man. The trip alone drains me of what will I have left in me. This is promising to be a long, long day.
So. With Mitch heavy with child and me short on sleep later today, we'll travel north to see my dad at grandma's place in Tarlac. Yay me? My emotions are kinda conflicting right now. I'm excited 'coz I'm seeing my father here. I'm anxious 'coz I'm worried what he'd think of me with fathering a child out of wedlock.
But then again, he can't be in the position to judge. I was born out of wedlock. So I guess I'm kinda carryiing on a tradition he started. Anyways, I guess it isn't as important as the fact that the latest carrier of the family name is on the way. I hope he's happy.
Today, or maybe it's more accurate to say tonight, I also get to see my young step-sister and her mom. I must say, it's good that my father finally gets the chance to actually be a father. We can compare notes as out own kids grow up, I suppose.
So. In the meantime I got hours to kill. I'm supposed to get Bryce's sepia photos from SM Marikina. Man. The trip alone drains me of what will I have left in me. This is promising to be a long, long day.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Paths and Directions
Begin with the end in mind. By doing so, one gets to create something twice. The first in one's head as one envisions it. And the second is when one actually does it. And by doing so, one is more motivated to actually finish it.
That may be why Beth's generation is in quite a mess. As Beth's sisters grew up, they had no clear idea as to what they actually wanted to accomplish later in life. The only thing that mattered was the here and now.
Perhaps I could be wrong but by the way Beth's sisters ended up, it seems there was no roadmap for them to follow. They must have acted on impluse and just a vague concept of the future.
Ruby went overseas and had the chance to start a new life but she did nothing, not even getting a stable job. Grace married a German and was on track to be an entrepreneur but she got hooked on drugs. Evelyn was in college but she went off on her own and kinda faltered.
What they have in common were bad decisions. They went into a rut and never came back out. That and the fact all the sisters are sick. Even until now there are still no plans as to what they want to do... Let me rephrase that statement for Grace. Plans that won't get her into trouble with the law again.
My generation's a bit better off. I've got a stable job and I'm starting my own family. My brothers and sister still haven't run into any serious trouble. Arwyn's out of the game due to his addiction. Betina seems to have a steady life. Ruby's kids have gone off on their own.
Only trouble is, I'm the only one who's got a job and is in the Philippines. Which means I'm a likely go-to person whenever there's trouble. Oh Lord. I hope my granddad doesn't jump into the fray. That would be a fine mess.
That may be why Beth's generation is in quite a mess. As Beth's sisters grew up, they had no clear idea as to what they actually wanted to accomplish later in life. The only thing that mattered was the here and now.
Perhaps I could be wrong but by the way Beth's sisters ended up, it seems there was no roadmap for them to follow. They must have acted on impluse and just a vague concept of the future.
Ruby went overseas and had the chance to start a new life but she did nothing, not even getting a stable job. Grace married a German and was on track to be an entrepreneur but she got hooked on drugs. Evelyn was in college but she went off on her own and kinda faltered.
What they have in common were bad decisions. They went into a rut and never came back out. That and the fact all the sisters are sick. Even until now there are still no plans as to what they want to do... Let me rephrase that statement for Grace. Plans that won't get her into trouble with the law again.
My generation's a bit better off. I've got a stable job and I'm starting my own family. My brothers and sister still haven't run into any serious trouble. Arwyn's out of the game due to his addiction. Betina seems to have a steady life. Ruby's kids have gone off on their own.
Only trouble is, I'm the only one who's got a job and is in the Philippines. Which means I'm a likely go-to person whenever there's trouble. Oh Lord. I hope my granddad doesn't jump into the fray. That would be a fine mess.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Painful memories....
I just got a very surprising news. It seems my aunt is now out and free again. And she's in the south of Metro Manila. I've been brooding ever since then, and it's a tad bit difficult to shake off the darkness that has settled over me.
It's a thorny issue for me, I guess. I mean, this is the same aunt who treated me unfairly when I was a boy. The same person who caused the family to implode. Or rather, because of her, we were exiled to Davao... We went south for a vacation. Because of her, there was nothing to return to. So in the South we stayed.
My bone of contention with her was the way she treated me. I can't remember everything she did but two episodes do stand out in my mind, and those two episodes are seared into my memory. No way am I forgetting those.
The first one was back in Brookside. I was maybe in the Third Grade that time. My aunt's baby daughter was in my room and I was playing with my toys. My cousin wanted to grab them. I did what a kid would do. I made sure my toy soldiers were away from her. My cousin wailed in frustration.
Imagine my surprise when my aunt stormed into the room, furious. She started spanking me, with what I could not remember, but she spanked me all the way from my bedroom to the stockroom where she locked me up. Alone. In the dark. With none but the boxes and what-nots stored inside. I remember huddling and weeping in the dark.
The only comfort was the moonlight streaming from the small window high up in the wall. I huddled and stared at that window as if my life depended on it. I was eventually let out for a yelling. I don't know how long I was in the dark. A minute. An hour. It felt like forever.
The second episode was worse. It was supposed to be Christmas Eve of 1992. This was in Tahanan. I was in the Fifth Grade back then.
Arwyn, Marvin, and I were playing catch in the living room. The ball flew past me and went into the den which was kinda like a home office. I went in, retrieved the ball, and went back to our game. Apparently I did something wrong again.
My aunt saw me go in and accused me of peeking at the list of presents everyone was going to get. That surprised me. Suffice to say, it was more spanking and I ended up in the dark loft above the garage. I was told I wasn't going to get any present for Christmas.
Another bout of self-pity washed over me that night, of course, until Grandma came up to reassure me all was alright. Later that night I was given an encyclopedia. My present.
I know it's been almost 20 years since then. But the embers of resentment and injustice still smolder within me. I'm very good in holding grudges. I hold them near and dear to my heart.
If my aunt is expecting hugs and tears and smiles, she's got another thing coming. I'll be polite. Courteous. But nothing more. She didn't know me back then. She doesn't know me now.
I know I was told by her youngest sister that she'd changed but I'm not sure. I'll call, yes, for the sake of family. But no way in heck am I going to treat her the way I treat Beth and Ria.
It's a thorny issue for me, I guess. I mean, this is the same aunt who treated me unfairly when I was a boy. The same person who caused the family to implode. Or rather, because of her, we were exiled to Davao... We went south for a vacation. Because of her, there was nothing to return to. So in the South we stayed.
My bone of contention with her was the way she treated me. I can't remember everything she did but two episodes do stand out in my mind, and those two episodes are seared into my memory. No way am I forgetting those.
The first one was back in Brookside. I was maybe in the Third Grade that time. My aunt's baby daughter was in my room and I was playing with my toys. My cousin wanted to grab them. I did what a kid would do. I made sure my toy soldiers were away from her. My cousin wailed in frustration.
Imagine my surprise when my aunt stormed into the room, furious. She started spanking me, with what I could not remember, but she spanked me all the way from my bedroom to the stockroom where she locked me up. Alone. In the dark. With none but the boxes and what-nots stored inside. I remember huddling and weeping in the dark.
The only comfort was the moonlight streaming from the small window high up in the wall. I huddled and stared at that window as if my life depended on it. I was eventually let out for a yelling. I don't know how long I was in the dark. A minute. An hour. It felt like forever.
The second episode was worse. It was supposed to be Christmas Eve of 1992. This was in Tahanan. I was in the Fifth Grade back then.
Arwyn, Marvin, and I were playing catch in the living room. The ball flew past me and went into the den which was kinda like a home office. I went in, retrieved the ball, and went back to our game. Apparently I did something wrong again.
My aunt saw me go in and accused me of peeking at the list of presents everyone was going to get. That surprised me. Suffice to say, it was more spanking and I ended up in the dark loft above the garage. I was told I wasn't going to get any present for Christmas.
Another bout of self-pity washed over me that night, of course, until Grandma came up to reassure me all was alright. Later that night I was given an encyclopedia. My present.
I know it's been almost 20 years since then. But the embers of resentment and injustice still smolder within me. I'm very good in holding grudges. I hold them near and dear to my heart.
If my aunt is expecting hugs and tears and smiles, she's got another thing coming. I'll be polite. Courteous. But nothing more. She didn't know me back then. She doesn't know me now.
I know I was told by her youngest sister that she'd changed but I'm not sure. I'll call, yes, for the sake of family. But no way in heck am I going to treat her the way I treat Beth and Ria.
Our baby's name
It's settled. Our baby's name will be Bryce Ethan. It's a good name. It means the determination to go higher, be better. Now that we've settled that, we just have to focus on moving and prepping for the big day. Good Lord but this will cost us dearly. The cash bleed is gonna be nigh unbelievable, I reckon.
Beth agrees it's a good name. Which reminds me. I better start informing the rest of the family. I can't keep them out of the loop for long. I wonder if I should inform my father. He's been awful quiet lately. Must be disappointed I fathered a baby instead of getting that last semester of mine. His loss, not mine.
Beth agrees it's a good name. Which reminds me. I better start informing the rest of the family. I can't keep them out of the loop for long. I wonder if I should inform my father. He's been awful quiet lately. Must be disappointed I fathered a baby instead of getting that last semester of mine. His loss, not mine.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Naming Our Firstborn
We're gonna have a baby boy. Mitch and I went to In My Womb yesterday and had her scheduled sonogram. The images we got were pretty convincing. A baby boy is on the way. And from the looks of it, he could be a handful.
Proud? Damned right I am. I've got an heir to carry my name. I had hoped for a girl but the fact our firstborn is a boy does not lessen him in my eyes. Boy, girl. There are reasons for both that do not need to contradict themselves.
And now I'm in somewhat of a bind. We had decided on a name but the name is for a baby girl. We have a boy. I haven't figured out his whole name yet.
His first name will be Ethan. Beth was the one one who suggested it since she knew I wanted a name starting with the letter E. The name Ethan is Hebrew in origin and it means 'strong, permanent, perrenial, ever-flowing'. I reckon it pertains to his strength of will.
Meh. My father's name Ernest is from the word 'earnes' and is Old English in origin. It means 'passion', 'zeal', and 'resolute'. I don't know my father well enough to know just what exactly is zealous in him. Anyways, I'm not itching to find out.
My name Errol is English in origin, possibly Latin. It means 'uncertain' and 'possibly wandering', or 'wanderer, rover'. Errol is also a variant of Earl which is 'nobleman', 'warrior', and 'prince'... This is lovely. Even in my name there is some uncertainty... I live with it.
Anyways, continuing to the main topic.
First consideration is the letter E. His name has to begin with that letter. My parents' and my name start with E. It kinda makes sense that our baby's name start with it too. I'm glad this one is already out of the way.
Second consideration is it must not be a Christian name that was based from the Bible, the Calendar, or the name of any saints. I have this thing about having common names.
Third consideration is what the name actually means. As much as possible, I need a name which would show the ideal trait of our child. There's some truth to the claim that the name shapes a person's future. I don't want to take this for granted.
Fourth consideration is the source. I don't know why but I prefer an Old English or a Welsh name. There's a certain charm to having those old, seldom used names in the Philippines.
Fifth and the most important consideration is Mitch's approval. She's kinda like the President and I a Board recommending a list of names where she picks only one.
Anyways, so far I've come up with the following Welsh names, all subject to review:
Brice - alert, ambitious **
Cadell - battle
Caderyn - battle king
Cadfael - battle metal
Cadoc - warlike one
Cadwallader - war leader
Cedric - war chief
Cledwyn - blessed sword
Cynderyn - chief lord
Cynfael - chief master
Cynfor - great chief
Drew - wise
Dyfrid - princely hero
Eiros - bright
Elaeth - intelligent
Elgan - bright circle
Emry - honor
Emyr - honorable
Eryl - watcher
Galahad - war hawk
Gavin - white hawk
Griffith - fierce lord
Gwion - elf
Gwynfor - fair lord
Howell - remarkable **
Idris - eager lord
Iestyn - just
Kynan - chief
Llewellyn - lion-like **
Madoc - lucky
Maelgwyn - metal chief
Meilyr - man of iron
Rhain - lance
Rhys - enthusiastic **
Tarrant - thunder
Tostig - sharp
Trahern - strong as iron
Ynyr - honor
Fferyll - 'bears the Staff'
Talyessin - handsome
Myrddin - Hawk
Bran - raven
Hywel - eminent
Taliesin - shining brow
Trahearn - very much like iron
Whew. And the research has just barely begun. More to follow soon. For now, it's the start of the weekend, and I need a bit of sleep.
Proud? Damned right I am. I've got an heir to carry my name. I had hoped for a girl but the fact our firstborn is a boy does not lessen him in my eyes. Boy, girl. There are reasons for both that do not need to contradict themselves.
And now I'm in somewhat of a bind. We had decided on a name but the name is for a baby girl. We have a boy. I haven't figured out his whole name yet.
His first name will be Ethan. Beth was the one one who suggested it since she knew I wanted a name starting with the letter E. The name Ethan is Hebrew in origin and it means 'strong, permanent, perrenial, ever-flowing'. I reckon it pertains to his strength of will.
Meh. My father's name Ernest is from the word 'earnes' and is Old English in origin. It means 'passion', 'zeal', and 'resolute'. I don't know my father well enough to know just what exactly is zealous in him. Anyways, I'm not itching to find out.
My name Errol is English in origin, possibly Latin. It means 'uncertain' and 'possibly wandering', or 'wanderer, rover'. Errol is also a variant of Earl which is 'nobleman', 'warrior', and 'prince'... This is lovely. Even in my name there is some uncertainty... I live with it.
Anyways, continuing to the main topic.
First consideration is the letter E. His name has to begin with that letter. My parents' and my name start with E. It kinda makes sense that our baby's name start with it too. I'm glad this one is already out of the way.
Second consideration is it must not be a Christian name that was based from the Bible, the Calendar, or the name of any saints. I have this thing about having common names.
Third consideration is what the name actually means. As much as possible, I need a name which would show the ideal trait of our child. There's some truth to the claim that the name shapes a person's future. I don't want to take this for granted.
Fourth consideration is the source. I don't know why but I prefer an Old English or a Welsh name. There's a certain charm to having those old, seldom used names in the Philippines.
Fifth and the most important consideration is Mitch's approval. She's kinda like the President and I a Board recommending a list of names where she picks only one.
Anyways, so far I've come up with the following Welsh names, all subject to review:
Brice - alert, ambitious **
Cadell - battle
Caderyn - battle king
Cadfael - battle metal
Cadoc - warlike one
Cadwallader - war leader
Cedric - war chief
Cledwyn - blessed sword
Cynderyn - chief lord
Cynfael - chief master
Cynfor - great chief
Drew - wise
Dyfrid - princely hero
Eiros - bright
Elaeth - intelligent
Elgan - bright circle
Emry - honor
Emyr - honorable
Eryl - watcher
Galahad - war hawk
Gavin - white hawk
Griffith - fierce lord
Gwion - elf
Gwynfor - fair lord
Howell - remarkable **
Idris - eager lord
Iestyn - just
Kynan - chief
Llewellyn - lion-like **
Madoc - lucky
Maelgwyn - metal chief
Meilyr - man of iron
Rhain - lance
Rhys - enthusiastic **
Tarrant - thunder
Tostig - sharp
Trahern - strong as iron
Ynyr - honor
Fferyll - 'bears the Staff'
Talyessin - handsome
Myrddin - Hawk
Bran - raven
Hywel - eminent
Taliesin - shining brow
Trahearn - very much like iron
Whew. And the research has just barely begun. More to follow soon. For now, it's the start of the weekend, and I need a bit of sleep.
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